Episode Summary: In this thought-provoking episode, Tom Davis, a Certified Professional Divorce Mediator, explores a crucial but often overlooked aspect of divorce mediation: prioritizing your children’s needs over material and logistical concerns like home ownership or overnights. Using a compelling metaphor of saving children versus saving a house teetering on the edge, Tom dives deep into how most parents come to mediation with a misplaced focus on financials and parenting plan details, like overnights, while failing to prepare adequately for the long-term needs of their children.
Tom highlights how, during mediation, the emotional and psychological well-being of children often takes a backseat to discussions of fairness and control. He emphasizes the importance of minimizing conflict and setting proper expectations in a parenting plan. Tom also provides actionable advice on how to approach decision-making and outlines how collaborative, co-parenting, or even parallel parenting styles can best serve children’s development.
This is Part 1 of a two-part series, where Tom will walk listeners through the essential elements of preparing for successful mediation, particularly the mindset needed to reduce conflict and prioritize what really matters.
Key Takeaways:
- Focus on the Children: Instead of prioritizing material concerns, ensure your mediation focuses on long-term plans for the emotional and developmental needs of your children.
- Understanding Misplaced Priorities: Many parents enter mediation focused on overnights and child support without realizing that these issues matter far less to their children than minimizing conflict.
- The Importance of Conflict Reduction: The greatest gift you can give your children post-divorce is reducing conflict—something that even the best-overseen parenting plans can’t remedy if parents are at odds.
- Setting Expectations Early: A good parenting plan isn’t just about ticking legal boxes—it’s about setting realistic expectations to avoid conflict down the road.
- Different Parenting Styles: Whether you are a cooperative, co-parenting, or conflictive parent, the way you make decisions must align with your parenting style to ensure the plan works in the long term.
Next Episode: In Part 2, Tom will dive deeper into the Parenting After Divorce Class, discussing whether you should take it before your mediation session and how it can help you better understand your child’s needs through the transition. He’ll also provide tips on preparing for mediation without over-preparing, so you get the most out of the process.
Duration:1:04:39
Size:125MB
Season: 2024
Episode:10
Series: Pro Se Mediation Boot Camp
Now What?
- Learn More about Family Synergy Mediation here: https://myfamilymediation.com
- Subscribe for future content here: https://myfamilymediation.com/newsletter/
- Explore more episodes here: https://myfamilymediation.com/podcasts/pro-se-divorce-podcast/
- On Spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/show/48W4evUkM5kqxAT73LrRsY?si=18999b16ef984434
- On Apple Podcasts here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divorce-mediation-journal/id1763072291
